Getting a literature Ph.D. will turn you into an emotional trainwreck, not a professor.

Don’t do it. Just don’t. I deeply regret going to graduate school, but not, Ron Rosenbaum, because my doctorate ruined books and made me obnoxious. Granted, maybe it did: My dissertation involved subjecting the work of Franz Kafka to first-order logic. No, I now realize graduate school was a terrible idea because the full-time, tenure-track literature professorship is extinct. After four years of trying, I’ve finally gotten it through my thick head that I will not get a job—and if you go to graduate school, neither will you. There are no academic jobs and getting a Ph.D. will make you into a horrible person